For my whole life, I never felt like I fit into the Asian standards that society set up for me. I don’t speak Tagalog and I’ve never been to the Philippines, unlike most Filipinos I know. I don’t mano my grandparents, which is a gesture of respect to elders when you bow and press the elder’s hand to your forehead. I don’t fit into the Filipino beauty standard of having flawless, pale skin with westernized features. Some of my friends call me "white-washed" or a “fake Filipino” because I don’t have the same knowledge and experiences that they have on our culture. These comments definitely leave a mark and hurt my feelings, making me question my own worth. I have gotten annoyed with my family before because they never took us on trips to the Philippines or put me in Filipino youth groups to meet other people that are similar to me. However, my views on these things have changed. I realized that I don’t need to conform myself into my peers’ opinions of what I should or shouldn’t be. I don’t have to speak Tagalog to be a real Filipina. Not possessing certain traits should not invalidate my identity and who I am as a person. I fuse my American culture with Filipino traditions in my own unique life and learned that I don’t need to fit into a specific standard that either group has set for me. I am wholly myself just the way I am, and hope that other young girls who may feel the same way as I did will realize that they are worth so much more than what other people or cultures say about them.
- Amanda Cariaga